Stress
 It's
not compulsory!
Everyone experiences stress from time to time, so it is perfectly
normal. However, normal doesn't necessarily mean healthy. Nor
is it inevitable! Believe it or not, you can learn how to largely
eliminate stress. This doesn't mean eliminating the pressures
in your life - those will probably persist. A better way to
think of it is that pressure is what is happening to you, but
stress is how you react to those pressures. So, you can keep
the pressure and get rid of the stress.A good example of this
comes from the study of stress in executives. Several studies
have shown that low and middle level executives show many stress
symptoms, like ulcers, high blood pressure, tension, burnout
and so on. Top executives, however, as a group show much fewer
stress signs. There are exceptions in both directions, of course.
Why do bigwigs show fewer signs of stress? There may be many
reasons, like more control over their lives, but it is hard
to believe they don't have pressures. So why don't they get
as stressed out? Probably the main reason is that they are either
naturally stress resistant or have learned how to handle the
pressure without letting it eat them up. It's like the old saying,
"If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen". |
Controlling the mental "danger
alarm"
Fortunately, stress management is largely a learnable skill.
Most people can learn how to take the heat in their lives. Before
we talk about how, let's consider what stress is in more detail.
The way I think of it, stress is a "false alarm".
What I mean is that it is the erroneous activation of the "danger
alarm" system of the brain. I visualize it as a big red
fire alarm inside the head. This is a system we are all born
with and it is a good thing to have. However, the biological
purpose of this system is to help prepare us for dealing with
real, physical danger. When the danger alarm is turned on, it
produces a physiological response called the "fight or
flight" reaction, which helps us to fight the danger or
flee it.
When you are in real, immediate physical danger, it is appropriate
to feel afraid. Getting your body charged up with adrenaline
may well help to keep you alive. However, most of the time when
we feel stressed, there is no immediate danger, so it is a false
alarm. The fire alarm is sounding, but there is no fire! |
The importance of relaxation
So how do you learn how to manage stress? There are basically
two main ways:
1. Learn how to turn off the alarm
system through various relaxation methods.
2. Learn how to not turn it on inadvertently
in the first place.
Relaxation methods work on the idea that you can't be relaxed
and uptight at the same time. Basically, anything you do that
is the opposite of what the danger alarm system does will tend
to shut it off. Some examples:
♦ Deep breathing - taking
deep, slow breaths rather than the shallow, fast breathing we
feel when we are stressed. This really works physiologically
to help shut off the danger alarm.
♦ Muscular relaxation
- tensing and relaxing various muscle groups can work wonders.
Try your neck and shoulders, your shoulder blades, your forehead
and eyes, tensing these groups for a few seconds, then relaxing
them. You can also combine this with deep breathing by inhaling
while you tense, then exhaling when you relax the muscles. There
are more sophisticated versions of these muscular methods, like
the shower of relaxation and progressive relaxation.
♦ Visualization - imagine
a very peaceful scene, like laying on the beach, out in a fishing
boat on a lake, in a mountain cabin or whatever. It can be a
real place or you can make it up. Try to invoke all your senses
as you imagine being in this very peaceful, relaxing place.
What do you see? What sounds are there? What sensations of touch,
temperature or smell? For example, you might imagine the sun
on your skin, the cool breeze on your forehead, the salt tang
of the ocean, the grit of the sand.
Experiment with all these methods and see which works better
for you. Some people do better with muscular methods, others
with visualization. All these can be learned quite readily and
often work very well.
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 Prevention
is better than cure
In the long run, however, it is better
to learn how to avoid getting stressed out in the first place.
So how do you do that? Well, the clue is in the visualization
method. Thinking peaceful thoughts makes you feel relaxed. In
imagining a peaceful place, you have also distracted yourself
from whatever thoughts you were having before. This points out
the basic premise of cognitive/behavioral psychology, that our
feelings and behaviors are largely caused by our own thoughts.
This is oversimplified, because there are many feedback loops
that make the connection between thoughts, feelings and behaviors
sort of like a chicken and egg problem. But the simple version
of the cognitive theory is that peaceful thoughts cause relaxation
and stressful thoughts cause stress.
In other words, the reason we get stressed out is not what is
happening to us and not what happened in the past (at least
not directly), but rather, how we are thinking about what is
happening. Past experience does influence us strongly, but the
medium of that influence is beliefs or thoughts. For example,
if you were abused as a child, you might have developed the
belief that you are worthless. It is this belief today that
is making you feel depressed, not the fact of the abuse itself.
This is a really neat, powerful idea because it means we can
overcome the bad experiences of the past. It means we have power
over ourselves, so we don't have to be victims of the past or
of present circumstances! |
Finding a way out
The best way to manage stress is to learn
to change anxiety to concern. Concern means you are motivated
to take care of real problems in your life, but your danger
alarm system is not erroneously activated. Changing your feelings
is largely a matter of learning to identify and change the upsetting
thoughts that are the immediate and proximate cause of upset
emotions.
For some people, the habit of living with the "danger alarm"
on was laid down in early life and it is very difficult to overcome
by conscious means. For these folk, I recommend a course of
hypnoanalysis to deal with the roots of the tension and pave
the way for a more relaxed lifestyle.
But for many of us, the main problem is that we have been living
in the fast lane so long that we have forgotten how to approach
our daily life in a smooth, relaxed style. For this situation,
I teach people techniques of self-hypnosis that they can use
as the need arises. We can often see a stressful situation coming,
and if we can take five minutes to shift ourselves into a relaxed
state, we cope much more easily and with less strain and tension.
I provide this training for groups of people and also on aq
one-to-one basis.
I always offer a free initial consultation, at which together
we can determine a strategy for dealing with your particular
brand of stress.
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Our Mission
Statement
To help you achieve your goals and
improve your quality of life |
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The seeds of
the solution lie in the problem.
Arthur Janov
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Ultra Calm, a
classic stress-busting audio from Mindvoyager
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Stress is not
your environment, it is
the way you respond
to it.
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